FMB: 2 of 5 is revising nicely
May. 19th, 2010 05:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lavanya_sixI stopped the daily word counts because I got sucked into revising Chapter 2. There's this really awesome Iron Man fic called Almost No One Makes It Out (highly recommended, btw) that super-charged me to kick Full Metal Bitch's ass.
I've occasionally mentioned on this blog and elsewhere that I heavily revise my fics, often line-by-line. It's a habit I picked up while rewriting Chapter 5 of Facing Fearful Odds, when a beta of mine put her arm around my shoulder and said "This is a terrible chapter, let me explain to you why." Which was one of the best things that has happened to me as a writer.
Let me give you an example. Here are two version of the same scene, both from Chapter 2 of FMB (sneak preview!):
* * *
It had been, Katara thought, not a terrible first day.
The outbound flight from Gaoling was spent mostly in silence. Aang, bless his heart, had tried to make conversation with Lady Toph but was rebuffed with terse replies from the noblewoman -- when she deigned to talk at all. Katara, not wanting to step over the ill-tempered earthbender in order to join Aang up front, spent the morning and afternoon at the rear of Appa's saddle, coaching Sokka through a sewing lesson to pass the time.
After a few hours the self-enforced silence, like all things that went on for long enough, became comfortable in its own way. The only things pained were Sokka's fingers.
Because Xin Fu might have contacted Fire Nation agents about Aang's bounty, they flew straight through the day and didn't stop to make camp until the early evening. That's when Appa's shedding problem was discovered. The boys, of course, had to be gross and make beards and wigs out of the loose fur.
"C'mon, Katara!" said Aang. "We're just having a little fun. You don't hear Toph complaining, do you? Right, Toph?" A long moment of silence ensued. "Toph?"
The blind woman started. "...Hm? Oh! I was just thinking that this bison fur is really soft and breathable." She rubbed a handful of Appa's sheddings against her cheek. "Have you thought about selling some of it to make blankets or sweaters? You could make a mint."
Aang was aghast. Katara shot the woman a death glare.
"I meant, you should make free blankets!" Toph sputtered. "Blankets for war orphans!"
* * *
* * *
It had been, Katara thought, not a terrible first day.
The outbound flight from Gaoling was spent in silence. Every heartfelt attempt by Aang to make conversation was tersely rebuffed by Lady Toph. Katara wanted to join Aang up front, lend him a kind ear, but the noblewoman seemed an insurmountable mountain to step over. Stretched lengthwise across the front of the saddle, her body seemed like a segment of the fabled walls of Ba Sing Se. Katara didn't to make a thing of it. Anyway, Sokka needed coaching through a long-delayed sewing lesson.
Katara even believed that after the few dozen times she told herself it was so.
After a few hours the self-enforced silence became comfortable in its own way. The only things pained were Sokka's fingers and a small bruise on Katara's conscience.
Because Xin Fu might have contacted Fire Nations agents about Aang's bounty, they flew straight through the day and didn't make camp until the early evening. Landing was like a scab coming off. Everyone stretched and went into the woods to relieve themselves, then came back to the realization that they needed to look and talk to each other now. Katara thought Lady Toph looked a little abashed, but King Bumi's feigned madness and Princess Yue's effortless decorum made her suspicious of a noble's outward appearance.
Appa's newfound shedding problem was a good start to the night, and Katara felt a little relieved to be subjected to the boys' antics.
The beards and wigs made out of loose fur were still totally disgusting.
"C'mon, Katara!" said Aang, wiggling his poofy mustache at her. "We're just having a little fun. You don't hear Toph complaining, do you? Right, Toph?" A long moment of silence ensued as the offering lingered in the air. "Toph?"
The blind woman startled. "...Hm? Oh! Excuse me, I was just thinking about how this bison fur is so soft and breathable." She rubbed a handful of sheddings against her cheek. "Have you thought about making blankets and sweaters out of this stuff? You could make a mint."
Aang's beard sloughed off as his jaw dropped. Sokka raised his eyebrows. Katara shot the noblewoman a cool glare. There was crassness, and then there was crassness.
All six foot five inches of Lady Toph finally looked awkward on her frame. "I meant you should make free blankets! Blankets for war orphans!"
* * *
Chapter 2 is 12,000+ words and counting. I figure it won't break 20k, but it'll be close.
I've occasionally mentioned on this blog and elsewhere that I heavily revise my fics, often line-by-line. It's a habit I picked up while rewriting Chapter 5 of Facing Fearful Odds, when a beta of mine put her arm around my shoulder and said "This is a terrible chapter, let me explain to you why." Which was one of the best things that has happened to me as a writer.
Let me give you an example. Here are two version of the same scene, both from Chapter 2 of FMB (sneak preview!):
* * *
It had been, Katara thought, not a terrible first day.
The outbound flight from Gaoling was spent mostly in silence. Aang, bless his heart, had tried to make conversation with Lady Toph but was rebuffed with terse replies from the noblewoman -- when she deigned to talk at all. Katara, not wanting to step over the ill-tempered earthbender in order to join Aang up front, spent the morning and afternoon at the rear of Appa's saddle, coaching Sokka through a sewing lesson to pass the time.
After a few hours the self-enforced silence, like all things that went on for long enough, became comfortable in its own way. The only things pained were Sokka's fingers.
Because Xin Fu might have contacted Fire Nation agents about Aang's bounty, they flew straight through the day and didn't stop to make camp until the early evening. That's when Appa's shedding problem was discovered. The boys, of course, had to be gross and make beards and wigs out of the loose fur.
"C'mon, Katara!" said Aang. "We're just having a little fun. You don't hear Toph complaining, do you? Right, Toph?" A long moment of silence ensued. "Toph?"
The blind woman started. "...Hm? Oh! I was just thinking that this bison fur is really soft and breathable." She rubbed a handful of Appa's sheddings against her cheek. "Have you thought about selling some of it to make blankets or sweaters? You could make a mint."
Aang was aghast. Katara shot the woman a death glare.
"I meant, you should make free blankets!" Toph sputtered. "Blankets for war orphans!"
* * *
* * *
It had been, Katara thought, not a terrible first day.
The outbound flight from Gaoling was spent in silence. Every heartfelt attempt by Aang to make conversation was tersely rebuffed by Lady Toph. Katara wanted to join Aang up front, lend him a kind ear, but the noblewoman seemed an insurmountable mountain to step over. Stretched lengthwise across the front of the saddle, her body seemed like a segment of the fabled walls of Ba Sing Se. Katara didn't to make a thing of it. Anyway, Sokka needed coaching through a long-delayed sewing lesson.
Katara even believed that after the few dozen times she told herself it was so.
After a few hours the self-enforced silence became comfortable in its own way. The only things pained were Sokka's fingers and a small bruise on Katara's conscience.
Because Xin Fu might have contacted Fire Nations agents about Aang's bounty, they flew straight through the day and didn't make camp until the early evening. Landing was like a scab coming off. Everyone stretched and went into the woods to relieve themselves, then came back to the realization that they needed to look and talk to each other now. Katara thought Lady Toph looked a little abashed, but King Bumi's feigned madness and Princess Yue's effortless decorum made her suspicious of a noble's outward appearance.
Appa's newfound shedding problem was a good start to the night, and Katara felt a little relieved to be subjected to the boys' antics.
The beards and wigs made out of loose fur were still totally disgusting.
"C'mon, Katara!" said Aang, wiggling his poofy mustache at her. "We're just having a little fun. You don't hear Toph complaining, do you? Right, Toph?" A long moment of silence ensued as the offering lingered in the air. "Toph?"
The blind woman startled. "...Hm? Oh! Excuse me, I was just thinking about how this bison fur is so soft and breathable." She rubbed a handful of sheddings against her cheek. "Have you thought about making blankets and sweaters out of this stuff? You could make a mint."
Aang's beard sloughed off as his jaw dropped. Sokka raised his eyebrows. Katara shot the noblewoman a cool glare. There was crassness, and then there was crassness.
All six foot five inches of Lady Toph finally looked awkward on her frame. "I meant you should make free blankets! Blankets for war orphans!"
* * *
Chapter 2 is 12,000+ words and counting. I figure it won't break 20k, but it'll be close.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-19 11:56 pm (UTC)Though I'm not sure what they're getting so offended about, it's not like she suggested skinning it. And Appa isn't using it.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 12:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 12:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 12:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 01:10 am (UTC)