Revise, Revise, Revise!

[lavanya_six]

So Chapter 5-B of Facing Fearful Odds has petered out this past week. The problem is how to tell the story I want without it being boring. Also, 5-B is burdened with a HUGE exposition dump... it's necessary to the overall story, but I can't force that on my readers without figuring out an entertaining emotional angle. So I've walked away from 5-B for the time being until I can come back to it with fresh eyes.

In the meantime, with the aid of my wonderful betas, I've been doing an overall line-by-line edit of Chapters 1 through 4. And good Lord, there's nothing like revising your own stuff -- even from only a month ago -- to realize how bad you are as a writer. The three most common problems I've encountered are dropped articles (the / a / this), overuse of commas, and unclear sentences. It's good to iron all these flaws out but now I'm too scared to read over, say, the early chapters of Taking Sights.

 

Aboard the Fire Nation ship, the crew scrambled to battlestations. To their newly awakened comrades, the nightshift hands tried, in vain, to describe the awesome sight to which they had just beheld. On the deck of the ship, the first officer interrogated his erstwhile trebuchet operators.

"Well, you had to have done something!" the first officer proclaimed. He pointed out to the destroyed iceberg. Upon a sheet of floating ice left over from its original bulk, the shattered remains of a coal volley burned in the night. "The last time I checked, ice doesn't just suddenly go up like fireworks!"

"I can't explain it, sir," the senior trebuchet operator said, "but I know what I saw." He paused. "Whatever I saw."

The first officer turned away, disgusted. He strode over to the side of the ship, pulled out his telescope from his person, and raised the magnifying device to his left eye. "Wait... I think I see..."

"Sir?" the junior trebuchet operator asked. His supervisor silenced him with but a raised hand.

"...something's moving over there," the first officer said, lowering the telescope. "Something big."

Aboard the Fire Nation ship, the crew scrambled to battlestations. The nightshift hands tried in vain to describe the awesome supernatural spectacle they had just witnessed to their newly-awakened comrades. On the deck of the ship, the first officer interrogated the trebuchet operators.

"Well, you had to have done something!" the first officer proclaimed, sweeping an arm towards the destroyed iceberg. Upon a sheet of floating ice left over from its original bulk, the shattered remains of a coal volley burned in the night. "The last time I checked, ice doesn't just suddenly blow up like a fireworks depot!"

"I can't explain it, sir," the senior trebuchet operator said, "but I know what I saw." He paused. "Whatever it was I saw."

The first officer turned away, disgusted. He strode over to the side of the ship, pulled out his telescope from his person, and raised the magnifying device to his left eye. "Wait. I think I see..."

"Sir?" the junior trebuchet operator asked. His supervisor silenced him with but a raised hand.

"...something's moving over there," the first officer said, lowering the telescope. His face was a mix of confusion and worry. "Something big."

And there will undoubtedly be more revisions and edits after this round of them. But it's been insightful to observe how the story I originally wrote is slowly being shaped into something cleaner and stronger. Good betas really should be measured by their weight in gold, and mine are worth every ounce.