lavanya_six | Abandoned Fic -- 7th Inning (Reply)

Day 342 – 46

"O-o-oh GOD! ASUKA!"

She's ready for him.

Oddly, it takes longer to get into Shinji's pants than Kaji's. Just throwing herself at him failed, requiring instead a careful, day-long manipulation of events to get the Third Child to even cop a feel. The small part of her that remembers self-respect is divided on Shinji's resistance – was it fear on his part or did he really want to be closer with her first (as he claimed)? Not that it matters. He still breaks eventually.

Shinji stumbles off the couch, dragging his pants up. "W-we need to stop."

Asuka swallows. "Tomorrow then."

Day 395 – 47

Asuka luxuriates in the afterglow of a mission accomplished. After weeks and weeks of learning Shinji's ticks, hair-triggers, and foibles she at last has reached the end of his 'Fuck Asuka' decision tree.

For a moment she contemplates kicking him out of bed, of pouring out hate into him just to see him break, but the way he cups her cheek when he kisses her puts off those thoughts for another day.

"Are you sure this is your first time?" she asks him.

He blushes. "Um… yeah. Sorry."

"Baka." She gently nips his lip. "Shinji? Can you just… hold me?"

Day 459 – 48

Touji Suzahara is pathetically easy to corner in a deserted school restroom. Asuka finds she barely has to do more than convince him she's not joking and he'll agree to be her fuck buddy. She's on her back, squirming on the tiled floor on her third try at him.

It's fast, clumsy, and unsatisfying in a way that Shinji or Kaji avoided.

"Jeez," he says, lifting his weight off her. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she says, blinking away tears. "I'm just tired."

He looks around, unsure, then moves to stand.

She grabs him by his wrist. "Don't go."

"Um… okay?"

Day 590 – 49

Touji squints, his mental gears grinding. "And there's no way out?"

"Nope." Asuka makes a perfect three-pointer. "Score!"

"That sucks."

"Yeah," she smiles bitterly, "it does."

"And you're telling me this… why?"

"So you won't go easy on me in our pick-up game." She dribbles the ball. "I've had a lot of practice. Beat me and you can have my ass again."

"W-we've…?"

"Screwed. Yes."

"Oh." Touji thinks about that. "How was I?"

"You're a 6 with a rubber and a 2 without."

"EXCUSE me?!"

"But Hikari's right about you. You're sensitive. You never love and leave me."

"Um… thanks?"

Day 782 – 50

Afterwards she rests her head on his chest and they let the sweat on their bodies cool.

"You've done this before," states Kaji. "With me."

"I've done it with a lot of people," she replies. "But you're still my number one."

"Christ!"

"Shinji's a better kisser, though Hikari's not bad. I've only ever gotten her bra off, though, and then only after she's drunk."

He grabs her shoulders and forces her to look at his eyes. "Asuka, you need to stop this."

"Why?"

"It's not right!"

"So?"

He glares. "Don't you want to escape?"

She replies, "That's what I'm doing."

Day 1515 – 51

"I've fucked every boy in the class."

Hikari is horrified. "What?!"

"You heard me."

"You… you slept with all of them? WHY?"

"Because I was bored. I've been in this time loop for… years. I think."

"That's no reason to—"

"Yes it is," she insists. "I've lived November 19th, 2015 for years, Hikari."

"But—"

"I don't even think in German anymore."

"…you don't?"

"No."

The empty classroom is silent.

"Why tell me?" asks Hikari.

"I miss…"

"What?"

"…talking with you. Just as a friend."

"Oh." Hikari pauses. "Wait. Just as a friend? What else would we be?"

"Um…"

Day 1516 – 52

"I miss talking with you, my friend."

"Oh." Hikari pauses. "Asuka—"

"I know I'm a slut," she says. "But you can't understand what it's like, Hikari."

"Then tell me!"

The redhead nods. "It's like… you see how the world's fake. Nothing changes, people stay the same." She laughs. "Not just people. Me too."

"But you said—"

"It's like," she says, "I can only do such much each day. Like, when I try running? Even when I evade Section-2 I can only get so far. I can't stand it anymore. But. I. Can't. Escape."

Hikari hugs her. "I'm sorry."

Day 1602 – 53

"I don't feel pain anymore."

Everyone's sitting around the conference table again. Doctor Akagi is explaining temporal mechanics to the senior staff for the Nth time.

Asuka explains, "I don't feel pain or anger or anything anymore. I just… I'm here. You know the worst part?"

"…what?" asks Misato.

"I don't change either. I'm a thing, just like you people. I can only do so much, be so many things. I have limits. I never thought I had limits before."

"Asuka," says Misato, "it's going to be alright. We'll find a way out."

"And you always say that!" she sobs.

Day 1605 – 54

"She's coming around!" says… someone.

Asuka opens her eyes. Bright lights hanging over burn her retinas. She tries to ask where she is but there's a TUBE DOWN HER THROAT.

"Mmuuuh!"

Misato leans over her, filling her vision. She's crying. She woman looks like hell. "Thank God, Asuka! They thought you'd never wake up."

"Guuugugh?

"Don't talk!" cautions Misato. "The machine's breathing for you."

Huh?

"Why?" asks the older woman. "Why'd you do it? You just… tried to kill yourself!"

Oh, remembers Asuka through the drug-induced haze, I missed my jugular. Sloppy.

The painkillers kick in and sleep takes her.

Day 1606 – 55

Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She doesn't get up, doesn't move. When Misato comes in to drag her out of bed for school she finds Asuka's body has gone slack.

"Damn it, this isn't a game!"

But when she lets go of Asuka's arm and the teen awkwardly collapses to the floor like a broken doll it becomes clear it really isn't a game.

It's not the first time Asuka's ridden in an ambulance but it is the first time she hasn't willfully done something to merit the journey.

Midnight rolls around without remark.

Day Unknown – 56

In her rare lucid moments, Asuka notes that her "Grand Theory That I'm A Thing And Free Will Is An Illusion" is supported by what she sees in the hustle and bustle around her. Body unresponsive and tongue slack, she finds that everyone behaves exactly the same way. Any part of one day could be slotted into another.

Repeated events include:

Misato saying "Damn it, this isn't a game!"

Shinji clutching his spatula as they wheel her out.

The ambulance hitting that pothole. The paramedic banging his left elbow.

Doctor Akagi rambling to the Commander as midnight comes.

Normal day.

Day Unknown – 57

The sameness of the day numbs Asuka Langley Soryu. Time passes. How long she cannot be certain, nor does she care. One day fades into the next and the sameness of her ritual hospitalization becomes comforting. In a world where nothing changes Asuka, inert, sees herself revealed as a Thing. No longer does she lie to herself, telling herself that she alone in the universe possess free will.

The repetition of her day continues. Asuka's awareness of events fades away. The world loses color. Shapes become abstract. Asuka loses herself.

This day, like all others, is now a normal day.

Day Unknown – 58

Distantly, Asuka becomes aware of her own insanity. Given unlimited time and a lack of variation in her day eliminating disturbances, the shape of her mental landscape starts to become apparent to Asuka.

There are peaks and valleys to the landscape, all radiating out in ripples from the two key events of her life: her mother's suicide and the years in the time loop. It doesn't hurt to think about how those events affect the Thing Called Asuka. A person hurts but a thing doesn't.

Slowly, Asuka charts her own soul.

This day, like all others, is a normal day.

Day Unknown – 59

As befitting an immortal, Asuka develops a God's Eye View of her own mind. With it she sees preverbal glaciers crawl across her mental landscape, sit for an age, then recede. The process repeats over and over again until the dead, dormant part of her realizes that she doesn't need to just watch. She can go down to the ground, explore the terrain, do footwork.

What was once a 2-Dimensional image becomes a 3D artifact. The day comes when Asuka touches a muddy boulder and says, "This is me. I'm real."

She pauses before asking a hard question.

"What's reality?"

Day Unknown – 60

One day, whatever repetition of the loop it might be, Asuka visits the Hall of Asuka (discovered by Asuka in Year Asuka Asuka Asuka Asuka Asuka). It's one of thousands of buildings she's dug up out of the muck over time (days? years? decades? centuries? more? what's time anyways?). She's paging through a books of memories in the library wing when she finds a little red figurine hidden inside one of the books.

She holds the figurine in the palm of her hand when—

("—ditions, it's the world's first true Evangelion!")

"I know you," she says to it. "Hi."

Day Unknown – 61

The day comes when Asuka realizes she can feel her own sanity creeping back in. It's a peculiarly physical sensation to experience, both to realize that she's insane and that she remembers the actual definition of insanity.

"Pothole," she whispers to the paramedic.

He and Misato stare at her, startled by her first reaction that day. The paramedic's movement is not enough to prevent him from banging his elbow when the ambulance hits the predestined pothole.

"Told you," croaks Asuka.

Misato says something but it's too much of a struggle to hold on. Asuka slips back into the comforting numbness.

Day Unknown – 62b

"She's been slipping in and out of her delirium all day, Commander. So far none of the preliminary tests—"

"…ugggh…."

"She's coming around again!"

Asuka opens her eyes. It's hard to focus. "M-miso soup?"

"Asuka," says Doctor Akagi, getting up in her face, "can you understand me?"

Dimly, she nods.

"Do you know where you are?"

"…hospital…."

"Yes. Yes, that's right."

"…doctor…?"

"Asuka?"

"…my mother… what…"

"What? What about your mother?"

"…what was… her name?" She closes her eyes. Staying awake is a struggle. "I can't… remember."

"Kyoko," says Doctor Akagi. "Her name was Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu."

"…'kay, thanks…"

Day A-37 – 63

It's the thirty-seventh day of Asuka's new mental calendar, something she started in the hospital to track the passage of time as she relearned how her body worked.

Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She starts reciting the Lord's Prayer in German. Years… decades(?)… of disuse in favor of the time loop's lingua franca of Japanese has rusted her German. On day A-19 Kaji started a conversation with her in German and commented on her strange accent.

Fighting to keep her German authentic is one stand she's taking against the tyranny of the time loop.

Day A-42 – 81

Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She blinks away sleep and forces herself to think and speak in German. Her knees don't shake too much anymore when she stands up.

Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.

"Guten morgen, Misato," she says with a smile. "Guten morgen, Shinji."

"My, you're chipper," says her guardian.

Asuka spoons some soup. This morning, like every morning, her body's still hungry. "Hey, Shinji. Wanna do something together after school?"

The Third Child stares at her. "Um, why?"

She shrugs. "No reason."

Day A-45 – 65

Shinji set down his cello bow. He blushes as Asuka claps for him. "That was very good."

"Th-thanks." He clears his throat. "If, um, you don't mind, uh—"

"Yes?" she asks, curious.

"I know you play the violin. Could you…?"

Asuka is taken aback at Shinji's suggestion. "I… I do?"

Shinji stares at her, confused.

"Hold on," she says. A little later she comes back from her bedroom, awkwardly holding a case. "I, um, haven't played in… years. I think. I'll probably suck."

Shinji hazards a smile. "Try."

She does. It squeals terribly.

"Okay," she says, "new project."

Day A-47 – 66

This time she catches the instructor before his ten o'clock student can show up. She also remembers to bring a suitable bribe.

"Do you have experience playing the violin?" asks the old bitty from behind the glasses perched on her nose.

"Honestly?" says Asuka. "I probably haven't played in decades."

"Miss, if you are not going to take me seri—"

"Look, I'm sorry. Okay?" She picks up her instrument case. "All I'm asking for is three hours and you'll get all this cash."

"…shouldn't you be in school, young lady?"

Asuka smirks. "One day of hooky won't kill me."

Day A-53 – 67

"Tell her I needed to talk to you about my dead mother. It works."

"Great," says Kaji, "I'll—"

"—do that," finishes Asuka. "I know." She pats the couch cushion next to hers. "Sit down please."

He eyes her warily as he complies. "You know how this whole conversation's going to roll, don't you?"

"Yes and no. I only remember a few of my dialogue trees from before I went insane."

"Dialogue trees?"

She giggles. "Yeah, I drop that I went insane and you ask about that."

"Um—"

"It's okay, Kaji. I just want to talk about Germany…"

Day A-57 – 68

Touji squints, his mental gears grinding. "And there's no way out?"

"Nope." Asuka whiffs a three-pointer. "Sheiße!"

"That sucks."

"Yeah," she says absentmindedly, "you get used to it."

"And you're telling me this… why?"

"I want you to teach me how to play basketball again." She dribbles. "Afterwards we can go back to your place and talk and make-out and shit."

"Wait. What?"

"I want to give you a few tips on your kissing – which is better than most of the boys in this school, though that's not saying much. Hikari deserves the best from you tonight."

"…okay. My brain's melted."

Day A-67 – 69

"You know," she says, running her fingers through his hair, "your cello sounds a bit different each time."

If possible, he blushes deeper. "Um, thanks?"

She kisses him again. "That's important, baka. Trust me." Through his shirt she can feel his heart racing. "If you want we can do stuff."

He shivers. "I'm, er, not sure if—"

She silences him with a kiss. "It's okay. Holding hands is just as good."

He briefly looks annoyed. She explains, "I'm not joking, Shinji. Touching someone, being with them… it's all good."

"How often have we…?"

She smiles.

"Oh," he says. "…wow."

Day A-211 – 70

"Asuka," says the scientist, "you synched at 113.8 percent. That's nearly a twenty point rise in three days. We had to lower your ratio for safety precautions."

Misato asks, "Anything you want to tell us, Asuka? Because Ritsu is at a loss."

"It's complicated."

"Try me," says Akagi.

"I'm a time traveler. Or, rather, I'm stuck in a time loop. I've repeated this one day for decades. I've gone insane and back again. Now I'm just playing around with my Eva just to get a rise out of you."

Misato rolls her eyes. "Fine. Bottle it up."

"Sure thing, Sunflower."

Day A-315 – 71

Sitting behind his desk, hands folded in his trademark pose, Commander Ikari reads off the list of charges. "Assault. Grand theft auto. Possession of firearms – namely Major Katsuragi's handgun and the shotgun you stole off your Section-2 guard. Public intoxication. Disturbing the peace. Desecration of public property. A high-speed pursuit through downtown Tokyo-3. Driving said stolen motorcycle through the inside of your school… without a driver's license." He pauses, then smirks coldly. "These are all serious charges. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I lock you away?"

"Yeah," says Asuka, grinning, "it was really, really fucking awesome!"

Day A-359 – 72

"Beer?"

"No."

"Thought so." Asuka cracks open the can. "Thought I'd offer."

The two girls sit silently, only the sound of construction equipment fills the air.

"You know," says Asuka at last, "I think you're the only one in my social circle – besides the Commanders – that I haven't either slept with or murdered."

Rei expertly arches an eyebrow.

"Oh. Wait. Damn." Asuka wipes some foam off her lip. "I've nuked the city a few times, so I suppose you died then." She smiles at the pale girl. "Well, at least I haven't fucked you yet!"

"…why not?"

"I have standards."

Day A-370 – 73

"Shinji's Mom?!"

Rei nods.

"Holy shit." Asuka looks around Rei's craptastic apartment. "I thought I knew everything already."

"You are not, in fact, God."

"Guess not." She sips her beer. "So if you and he—"

Rei blushes. "From a genetic standpoint I am his half-sister."

"Goddamn. So much for my threesome idea."

The First Child frowns. "Three…some?"

Asuka explains.

"Interesting," says Rei. "But the mechanics of it—"

"Kensuke and Touji were a little squeamish, but Misato and Kaji and me got along okay."

"Soryu," says Rei, "if there is no tomorrow…"

"…fine. I'll see what I can do."

Day A-411 – 74

Asuka sets down her violin. "I think we've got this duet down, Rei. Good work."

The First Child is flush. "Th-thank you, Soryu."

She passes her a water bottle. "Can I ask you a question?"

Rei nods.

"What's it like to die?" asks Asuka. "I mean, you're the only person I know besides me that's come back from the Beyond."

Rei considers the question. "Death is… unpleasant."

"No shit."

"The best I can describe it is that, in the end, it is… quiet."

"Yeah. You just sorta blank out for a second, right? And then — Everything."

"Yes," says Rei. "Yes."

Day A-480 – 75

"See?" asks Asuka as she cuts off the tip of her left hand's pinkie finger. "Easy as 3.1459."

Rei stares at the profusely bleeding finger, then hands present the hot iron for the Second Child to cauterize her amputation. Asuka works efficiently and makes no fuss as the smell of cooking flesh fills the dingy apartment.

"You are in pain," says Rei, noting the sweat on the other girl's brow.

"Yes," replies Asuka. "But the pain is only a part of me. I don't let it be me." She holds up the blistered stump. "See? It's my finger, not me."

Day A-502 – 76

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" screams Misato. "WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?!"

Asuka sets down her video game controller. "God, Misato, chill out. We're just trying out nudism."

"SHINJI! PUT ON PANTS! YOU TOO, REI!"

"Don't be a dick, Misato. We're not having sex or anything. We're just trying something new."

Misato glares at her. "Time loops are NOT an excuse for perversion, Asuka."

The Second Child leers at her guardian. "You say that now but…"

"Don't finish that sentence."

"C'mon, Misato. It's not like we're going to have an orgy with you manning the watchtower."

"Clothes! On! NOW!"

Day A-558 – 77

The miso soup and fish are cold by the time Asuka lays out the evidence and finishes telling her story. She's done it so many times now that the tale has become poetic.

"We should report to headquarters," insists Misato.

"That's pointless and futile," says Asuka. "Besides, why waste time like that when we can spend the day together as a family?"

"Family?" Misato blinks. "You… think of us as family?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Asuka leans over and scratches Pen-Pen's head. "I think of everyone as my family."

"Forgive me but you seem… strange."

"Eternity does that to a person."

Day A-730 – 78

"Asuka," says Shinji, "why have you been so, um… weird… today?"

The redhead walks in with her violin case. "How so?"

"Um, well… you've been, uh…"

"Nice?"

"No!" he shouts, then blushes. "Well, yeah. And kinda… touchy-feeling with everyone. You were even polite with Kensuke when he spilled his soda all over you at lunch."

"It was an accident, Shinji."

"Asuka—"

She taps his cello case with her foot. "Come on. It's New Years according to my people's calendar and I want to celebrate by playing my favorite duet with you."

"B-but we've never played together before!"

"Details, details."

Day A-862 – 78

For months Asuka has been making excuses to get into Unit-02, sitting through boring lectures by Akagi on temporal mechanics just so she can spend a few hours ascertaining the… something … at the edge of her perception. There's a strange familiarity to her Eva, a presence that seems familiar by escapes Asuka's admittedly "Swiss cheese" memory.

In the entry plug, submerged in blood-temperature LCL, she can almost make out a voice at the edge of her perception. It's loudest when she opens her mind to the Eva, letting her synch ratio soar dangerously high.

Then, today, something clicks.

"Mama?"

Day A-869 – 79

"You mother is inside Unit-02?" says Kaji.

She nods. "Yes," she wipes away an errant tear, "b-b-but it's not really her. Only it is her. It's just… it's just not all of her. I think it's only my mother."

"…I don't want to."

"Hundreds. Thousands, maybe. I don't know anymore."

"Asuka… please don't kill yourself."

"Aren't you listening? I can't."

Day Unknown –

"How'd you find this place?" asks Hikari, looking around the cozy restaurant.

"Came here a few years back."