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lavanya_sixSUMMARY: Asuka is trapped in the classic Groundhog Day Scenario. A drabble of drabbles.
Day 01 - 1
"If it can manipulate time there's potentially no end to what such an Angel could do. The most likely explanation for—"
"It's driving me crazy," explains Asuka through clenched teeth.
Day 21 - 10
Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She blinks away sleep and forces herself to think and speak in Japanese.
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.
School is boring, though she aces the pop quiz without needing to reference her kanji dictionary.
After school she stops Hikari by the gate and offers to take her on a girl's night out, her treat (well, Misato's treat – it's her stolen wallet).
"Didn't Shinji say you had NERV stuff?" asks the pig-tailed girl.
"I decided to take the day off."
Day 37 - 11
Asuka offers Akagi and Misato the lists. "Dates and magnitudes for earthquakes. Personal crap from you two and half the Command staff that only you yourselves would know. Solutions that we've tried (and don't work). Tests we don't need to run because they never answer anything. A list of hypothetical reasons an Angel is doing this."
Dr. Akagi asks, "When did you have time t—"
"During the car ride here."
She takes the stack of papers. "We've—"
"Tried all this? Yes."
Misato says, "So you—"
"Know what you're going to say. Yes."
"That must get tedious."
"Yes."
Day 44 - 12
"You want to shoot me into space."
Misato nods. "Correct."
"You want to shoot me into space."
"Technically, we're launching you into Lower Earth Orbit."
Asuka stands up. "Okay, I've put up with a lot of crap idea ideas from you but this is STUPIDEST, most IDIOTIC idea you've managed to come up with yet!"
Misato looks around the conference room. "Does anyone else have any better idea?"
Silence.
"THIS IS FUCKING ridiculous! YOU'RE NOT LAUNCHING ME INTO MOTHERFUCKING SPACE!!"
"Pilot Soryu," says the Commander, "you compliance with this proposal is not necessary to its implementation."
"Son of a bitch!"
Day 50 - 13
"You've been in this loop for fifty days?"
"Yes."
Kaji whistles. "Well, I guess you do deserve a beer for your anniversary."
Later they sit under the nighttime glow of Tokyo-3 as its rest in its cradle above the Geo-Front.
"You know," says Kaji, cracking open his second beer, "this is—"
"Like Groundhog Day. Yeah."
"…we must have this conversation a lot."
She snuggles closer to him. "I still enjoy it."
"Any plans for Day 51?"
"No. You have any ideas?"
Kaji is silent for a long time. Then, "Asuka, maybe there's something I can do to help you…"
Day 51 - 14
"Just tell her I need to talk to you about my dead mother. That'll shut her up."
Kaji paces around his apartment. "Great," he says, "I'll do that."
"It was your idea." She shrugs. "Got any beer?"
"What?"
"I'm thirsty."
"There's some juice behind the takeout containers."
"Whatever," she replies, rolling her eyes. "So are you going to break out this MAGI hacking microchip or am I going to have to start taking off my clothes?"
He stares at her like she's mad. "Asuka, how do you kn—"
"Time loop! We covered this, remember?"
"…fuck it. Let's have beer."
Day 55 - 15
Asuka, beer in hand forgotten, stares at the computer terminal. "Second Impact was caused by us?! WHAT THE HELL?!"
The cooling system for the MAGI is causing her lip to stick a bit to the mouthpiece of the can whenever she takes a drink.
"My God, Asuka. That's just the start of it. With the evidence here we could blow—"
Suddenly the laptop flashes an error message. Brilliant red lights flash overhead as an alarm sounds. The door to the cooling chamber opens and armed men rush in.
"FREEZE!" shouts one of the Section-2 agents. "HANDS IN THE AIR!"
Day 73 – 16
"So these… things… these freaks… are the core of the Dummy Plug?"
Kaji can't take his eyes off the gleeful clones floating in the tank either. "I… yes. My God, what the hell has Ritsu been working on?!"
Asuka turns away. "I think I'm going to be sick."
He rushes to her side. After she finishes retching he says, "Asuka, listen—"
"She's a doll, Kaji. Mein Gott in Himmel!"
"—LISTEN!" He forces her to look him in the eye. "The Commanders, Ritsuko, Misato – they can't ever find out you know."
A gun cocks. "Too late," says Commander Ikari.
Day 74 – 17
"God," she says in German, "I've learned so many horrible things."
Kaji rubs her shoulders. "The important thing is that we keep trying."
"Why?" she asks, despondent. "What for?"
"If we can find out more than maybe we'll know how to help—"
"THERE IS NO HELP!" she rages, jerking away. "ALL WE DO IS END UP ARRESTED! OR YOU GET—" She stops, horrified, and clamps her hands over her mouth.
"Asuka?" He leans closer. "What… what happened to me? Last time?"
The fact she can't look him in the eye is answer enough.
"Asuka, let's stay home tonight."
Day 75 – 18
Ritsuko raises a carefully plucked eyebrow. "That's my plan? Stick you in Unit-02 and hope for the best?"
"You gave me a list; this is just the first one on it." Asuka shrugs. "It's only been a six days for me. There's always tomorrow."
"You're awfully blasé about this."
"Yeah, well, Misato wanted to shoot me into space."
"…why?"
"Hell if I know."
Come 11:37pm the Command Staff watches in horror as Unit-02 suddenly bursts through the walls of the
And that's that.
Day 76 – 19
"I murdered Commander Ikari yesterday."
Kaji sips his beer all casual-like. "Why did you do that?"
"Because he murdered you the day before yesterday."
That gives him pause.
"We found out Rei's a freak with a tank of clones and then he found us and shot you."
"… what happened to you?"
"Arrested," she says. "Not that it matters."
"Why doesn't it matter?"
"Because every day I wake up and Shinji's cooking miso soup and fish for breakfast. It's all the same. Nothing I do changes things."
"You can still change yourself."
Asuka cocks her head to the side. "Why?"
Day 98 – 20
Kaji and Misato are standing at the threshold to her bedroom.
"And she's been like this the whole day?"
Asuka stares up at the ceiling.
Misato nods. "She hasn't said a word. I even tried to drag her out of bed, dump cold water on her, all that… and she just doesn’t… do anything."
Kaji kneels next to her bed. "Asuka?"
He calls her name several times. At last the redhead turns to face him. "K-kaji?"
"Hi."
Tears well up in her eyes. "He shot you, Kaji."
"What?"
"He shot you but it doesn't matter."
"Asuka—"
"Nothing matters anymore."
Day 103 – 21
Misato takes her into Doctor Akagi's office after the synch tests are finished. Asuka can guess why from the annoyed look on the blonde's face.
"Asuka," says the scientist, "you synched at 20.3 percent. That's nearly a sixty-five point drop in three days. That's unacceptable."
Misato at least is more kindly. "Asuka, what's the matter?"
"…it doesn't matter."
Doctor Akagi snaps, "It damned well matters! You're barely able to synch with Unit-02!"
"So?"
"Asuka," says Misato, "there has to be a reason. I mean, you've been… strange… all day."
"It's just…"
"What?"
"…I can't remember how many days it's been."
Day 108 – 22
"Asuka," says the scientist, "you scored 8.7 percent. Until further notice your piloting status is suspended."
The redhead stares at the linoleum tiling. "Fine."
Misato gets upset. "Fine?! What the hell do you mean by 'fine'? Did you hear Ritsuko?"
"I heard her," she whispers. "It doesn't matter. I just want it to stop."
"What do you want to stop?" asks Misato.
"I wonder…" She looks up at the two women. "I wonder if it'll stop if k-kill myself."
They're much nicer after that. Misato even drapes her jacket over Asuka's shoulders when the doctors come to take her away.
Day 109 – 23
The next time Doctor Akagi doesn't even wait to finish the synch test.
"Let me guess," Asuka says flatly, once again in the office, "I'm off the piloting roster, huh?"
"Zero point zero," says Akagi. "You didn't even register."
"Whatever."
Misato is oddly quiet on the car ride home. Asuka asks, "Don't you care?"
"Asuka," says Misato, "what happened to you today?"
The Second Child lowers her gaze. "Misato… if you could do anything you wanted but nothing you did mattered, why do anything?"
"I dunno. That's not import—"
"It's been eighty-seven days…"
Misato looks at her.
"…I think."
Day 111 – 24
"What if I kill myself?"
Everyone's sitting around the conference table again. Doctor Akagi is explaining temporal mechanics to the senior staff for the Nth time.
Asuka explains, "Because that's about the only thing I haven't tried yet."
"Are you crazy?" blurts Misato.
"I think," says Asuka, rubbing her temples, "I might be. It's only been a few months, I think, but… but I can't take much more of this."
"Let's hold off on suicide for the moment," advises Ritsuko. "We can try some more esoteric ideas first."
Misato smiles. "Failing that we can, I dunno, shoot you into space."
Day 125 - 25
"I killed Commander Ikari one time."
Kaji sips his beer all casual-like. "Why did you do that?"
"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters."
"Why doesn't anything matter?"
"Because…" Asuka searches for the right words. "Because there's no point to my life. I don't, I mean, why pilot Eva? No Angel will ever attack because no Angel ever does. Even if I could still synch, what's the point of the nightly test? I could have the best synch score ever and no one else would remember the next morning."
"Asuka, there's more value to your life than piloting Eva."
"No, there isn't."
Day 130 – 26
"I'm killing myself tomorrow."
Everyone's sitting around the conference table again. Doctor Akagi is explaining temporal mechanics to the senior staff for the Nth time.
Asuka explains, "Because it's the only thing I haven't tried yet."
"Are you crazy?" blurts Misato.
Asuka ignores her. "Last chance, Akagi – give me something, ANYTHING… any idea. I'll try it today, because tomorrow I'm throwing myself off Misato's balcony."
Doctor Akagi stares at Asuka, then looks at Commander Ikari, then back at Asuka. "Killing yourself might not break the loop."
"But it might."
"You could die."
"I really don't care."
Akagi sighs. "Tomorrow, try…"
Day 131 - 27
The plug suit is bulky. The sensor array on the back looks like a pair of wings. It was designed for a full-grown woman and even with the pressure seal it hangs off in some places.
"Asuka," calls Doctor Akagi over the radio, "we're ready to begin the Contact Experiment. Are you okay?"
"Just do it."
When Unit-02 synchronization process starts up there's no safety barriers, just a full-fledged neural storm burning through her brain – the same process that claimed the life of Yui Ikari and the sanity of Asuka's mother rips the Second Child's body and soul to pieces.
Day 132 – 28
Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She blinks away sleep and forces herself to think and speak in Japanese.
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.
"Asuka?" asks Misato. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," she replies. "Why do you ask?"
"You just seem... quiet."
"Just enjoying my breakfast," she says flatly.
"Oh. Okay."
After breakfast she walks into the family room. The balcony's sliding door opens quietly. No one notices when she hops over the railing.
The fall doesn't take too long.
It hurts for just a second.
Day 133 – 29
Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She blinks away sleep and forces herself to think and speak in Japanese.
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.
After Misato leaves Asuka fetches her guardian's spare gun, the one in the closet.
Shinji walks in on her when she's pointing it at her temple. "Have you seen my—"
"Auf wiedersehen."
BLAM!
It's then that Asuka learns the importance of "eating a gun". Her skull slows the bullet just enough that she dies in the ER twenty-three minutes later.
Day 134 - 30
Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She blinks away sleep and forces herself to think and speak in Japanese.
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.
"Asuka?" asks Misato. "What are you doing?"
"Finding my jugular," she replies.
"Why?"
Asuka shrugs.
Misato rolls her eyes, then leans over. She guides Asuka's searching fingers. "No, no. It's over here. See?"
"Thanks, Misato." The Second Child then takes hold of her table knife and shoves it into her own throat.
"NOOOOO!"
Misato cradles her head until the darkness comes.
Day 135 – 31
Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She doesn't get out of bed until she's forced to.
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.
Asuka grabs hold of the kitchen table and flips it over.
"ASUKA!" screams Misato. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!"
"I HATE YOU!" she screams back, her pupils tiny points lost in white. "I HATE SHINJI! I HATE THIS FOOD! I HATE THIS PLACE! BUT MOST OF ALL I HATE THIS DAY!!"
Misato sits atop her until Akagi can bring over sedatives.
Day 142 – 32
Ritsuko raises a carefully plucked eyebrow. "That's my plan? Stick you in Unit-02 and hope for the best?"
"You gave me a list; this is just the first one on it." Asuka shrugs. "It's only been a three days for me. There's always tomorrow."
"You're awfully blasé about this."
"Misato wanted to shoot me into space."
"…why?"
"Hell if I know."
As soon as she's inside Unit-02 Asuka activates her Eva's self-destruct. The startled staff in the
"STOP HER!"
"IT'S TOO LATE! SHE PAST CRIT—"
A nova blooms inside NERV headquarters.
Day 150 - 33
Asuka stops Hikari outside the toy shop. "Wait here. I think this place will have it." A few minutes later she comes back out with item in hand. "See? Told you."
Hikari eyes the stuffed, red-headed doll. "It looks like you."
"That's the point," replies Asuka. "Misato wanted me to stop by the hardware store before dinner."
"There's one down the block."
"Cool."
Later, back at the apartment, Asuka hums a nursery rhyme as she ties a noose around the doll's neck and strings it up on a pipe in the shower room.
It feels right when Asuka joins it.
Day 156 – 34
"Killing myself doesn't work."
Everyone's sitting around the conference table again. Doctor Akagi is explaining temporal mechanics to the senior staff for the Nth time.
Asuka explains, "I've shot myself, stabbed myself, hung myself, burned myself, froze myself, drowned myself, and even used my Eva's self-destruct to nuke this whole goddamn place. It doesn't stick."
"Holy shit," blurts Misato.
Asuka ignores her. "I'm done everything anyone has ever thought of, short of initiating Human Instrumentality."
Commander Ikari calls in Section-2.
"This isn't necessary," she says as they take her away, "nobody will remember tomorrow."
"You will," he says.
She laughs.
Day 190 – 35
"A-A-Asuka!"
"Hi there, Shinji."
"What are you DOING?!"
Asuka dangles one foot off the ledge. "I thought it was obvious."
He lurches forward "S-stop!"
"Or what?"
"Um…"
She's on the outside of the balcony railing. "I'm just seeing how long I stand here before someone notices." She grins. "Congratulations! It only took fourty-three minutes."
"Take my hand!"
An idea occurs to Asuka. "Okay."
Once Shinji's near the railing and has a good grip on her, Asuka leans back. Her weight and Shinji's surprise allows Asuka to pull him over the rail. They plunge downwards together.
He screams.
She laughs.
Splat.
Day 191 – 36
Day 212 – 37
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault.
"You're just meat."
Misato and Shinji blinks in unison. "Huh?"
"You're meat," Asuka explains. "Every day I get up and you do the same things – like you're following a decision tree. You can only do certain things based on certain stimulus. Watching you fuckers makes me question free will. I wonder if someone's watching me." Asuka picks up her table knife. "See? You're going to scream 'Nooooo!'"
She doesn't even need to find her jugular first because of all the practice.
"NOOOOO!"
"See?" Asuka gurgles.
Day 230 – 38
Asuka wakes up to the smell of miso soup and fish. She blinks away sleep and stumbles into the kitchen.
Misato drinks a beer with breakfast. Shinji mumbles apologies for things that aren't his fault. Asuka fiddles with her knife.
"I'm bored," she says.
The others ignore her.
"I didn't think you could run out of ways to die," she says.
"Don't be morbid," chides Misato.
"Let me tell you, drinking drain cleaner isn't pleasant or quick."
"Goddamnit, Asuka!" Misato slams her beer down. "What the hell's wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong, Misato. I just think I need more… entertainment."
Day 244 – 39
"You can't!" cries Hikari. "Someone will see!"
"So?" Asuka pushes past her friend. The hallway is, sadly, empty.
Hikari clamps a hand onto her arm. "Asuka, are you insane?! You can't walk around school naked!"
She laughs. "Why not? I'm bored and it's something new to do. And it's actually kinda pleasant. Besides, what's the worse they can do to me?"
A boy walks out of a classroom and spots her. He trips over his own feet. Hikari hides her face in shame. Asuka spins around slowly for him.
"Your name's ruined!"
Asuka smiles at her friend. "Just for today."
Day 256 – 40
"Tell her I needed to talk to you about my dead mother. It's worked before."
"Great," says Kaji, "I'll do that."
Asuka leans back on the couch. "We both know about the microchip, but I know everything else: the truth of Second Impact, the Evas, Rei Ayanami being a clone, and all that goodness."
"What does that have to do with your time loop?"
"Nothing. But I'll tell you everything you want to know," explains Asuka, "if you'll have to make love to me first."
Kaji stops pacing. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me."
"N-NO! Never!"
'Hmm. I'll sugarcoat that tomorrow.'
Day 257 – 41
"Tell her I needed to talk to you about my dead mother. It works."
"Great," says Kaji, "I'll do that."
Asuka leans back on the couch. "You know, I've been trapped in this loop for months and months, I've killed myself so many times but every day I wake up and it's the same day."
"Asuka…"
She shakes her head. "It's alright. I'm… I'm just tired, Kaji."
Kaji settles down next to her and throws an arm over her shoulder.
"It gets very lonely, living this way."
He kisses her on the forehead.
Well, she thinks, but it's a start.
Day 279 – 42
Afterwards she rests her head on his chest and they let the sweat on their bodies cool.
Decision trees aren't so bad, she thinks.
"I'm sorry," says Kaji. "We… I… shouldn't have done that."
She rubs against him. "It's 'kay. It won't matter tomorrow."
"No tomorrow," he says. "God, Asuka. How do you live like this?"
"Going crazy helps."
He chuckles, thinking she's joking.
"You know what'll suck?" She crawls up and kisses him. "I won't have you anymore. I'm a woman and you'll only see a girl."
"Asuka?"
"Yeah?"
"You do realize you'll have your 'virginity' again tomorrow?"
"…shit."
Day 292 – 43
Afterwards she rests her head on his chest and they let the sweat on their bodies cool.
"You've done this before," states Kaji. "With me."
"Y-yes." She hugs his chest. "Please don't be angry."
"Why?"
"Because… I love you."
"That's not an answer."
She shivers. "I love you and you help me forget."
"Forget what?"
"Today," she says. "Tomorrow. All of it."
"There's gotta be a way out of this loop, Asuka. A reason for—"
"THERE ISN'T!" she screams, her nails digging into his chest. "THERE'S NO REASON FOR ANYTHING! IT'S WORTHLESS!"
He cradles her sobbing form until midnight.
Day 293 – 44
Too sacred to repeat 'yesterday', Asuka heads back to the apartment after school with Shinji. There's three hours and twenty-one minutes until Misato picks them up for the synch tests.
She waits a half hour, while their watching TV together, before asking, "Hey, Shinji, let's kiss."
"Wh-what?"
"Kiss. You've never been kissed, right?"
"Um, no."
"Then let's kiss."
"Why?"
She frowns. "Why not?"
"I'm… I don't think we should." He looks uncomfortable. "Not if—"
"You're not scared, are you?"
That gets his goat. "Am NOT. I'll kiss you!"
It's clumsy, awkward as hell, but it's not a bad start.
Day 300 – 45
Unsatisfied with the results of her last few days, Asuka turns to Shinji with a different approach.
"Shinji?"
He looks over.
"I, uh, need to tell you something."
"Um, what is it, Asuka?"
She waits a moment, then leans over and kisses him.
He stares at her, shell-shocked.
"Listen," she says after it becomes clear he's lost his tongue, "I know I rag on you a lot. You apologize too much. You put too much salt in your miso soup. But… you're not totally worthless, okay? But tell anyone that and I'll eviscerate you."
The making out session is better.
